Sometimes...well...

It's all gotta come out somehow.

Sometimes it's prettier than others, when us "bottlers" let our emotions out that've been festering for oh....

Three years.

So here is what I am going to call my "Bottler's Blog."

I've decided it will be considerably healthier for me to "let it all out," as the shrinks (or people who would like to think they are as such) would say. So, periodically, there will be a post of revelations, quotes, emotions, or lack thereof, etc, etc.

Enjoy. ;-)

Bottler's Blog #1: I'm ready. NOT. It's a big commitment I'm quite frankly not sure anyone is capable of saying they are ready for. But, I am confident in the power of not myself, but in the One who created me, to make me strong enough to withstand the trials and temptations that come with the utter commitment required to get through marriage.

That's right. I said it.

Marriage. Sorry, Mom...

Bottler's Blog #2: I'm utterly, completely, irrevocably, 20%-more-than-I-need-to-be-sure that I love my mom more than I love any other being on the face of this earth, including myself and/or possessions.

Bottler's Blog #3: I'M DONE!!! Passed the finals the first time (something that is evidently not easy...?), and have an average of 89% on all the written...stuff. Not that I'm tootin' my own horn...

Bottler's Blog #4: I've been wondering if I am truly a heartless person, or if I have the emotional capabilities of a piece of metal. My Great Grandma died April 23rd, I didn't shed a single tear. I wanted to, don't worry. I just couldn't. I detached myself from the situation and that was the end. I hear of a young student at a nearby high school that commits suicide, this news also has half of my high school First Responder class in tears. I don't even feel a twinge. Is pain a relative thing, different for every person? Is it like people's bodies going into shock, where every person has the same compensatory mechanisms, but the mechanism which will work the best and save the person the most pain is different in everybody? Something to ponder...

Bottler's Blog #5: People think in relative terms. If someone has ever learned to comprehend something completely new to them without comparing it to something already well known to you, please let me know. The scientists need to study your mind. If you are so lame (like me) that you just sit down and think about how the mind works all day (like me), you will start to go crazy with realizing how BORING people are. Our minds are SO finite it's not even in our scope to understand HALF of what Jesus has done for us!

Bottler's Blog #6: I FINALLY realized why I wasn't entirely excited to go to Heaven. Because I was thinking that Heaven is exactly like earth. Wrong! I'm not entirely happy here, and I see no reason to be. We have somewhere entirely better to be going. Who says that Heaven is the same for everyone, anyway? Obviously there will be some common factors...Jesus, for instance. But, I know for a fact that Heaven for my Mom (oreo's, bread, the "Gluten-Galore Bakery"), and Heaven for me (ambulances, trach tubes, and thousands of students/kids I could mentor everyday), are two very different things! My mom would die if she were surrounded by trach tubes all day.

There's my piece. Take it or leave it.

Ash