It's all gotta come out somehow.
Sometimes it's prettier than others, when us "bottlers" let our emotions out that've been festering for oh....
Three years.
So here is what I am going to call my "Bottler's Blog."
I've decided it will be considerably healthier for me to "let it all out," as the shrinks (or people who would like to think they are as such) would say. So, periodically, there will be a post of revelations, quotes, emotions, or lack thereof, etc, etc.
Enjoy. ;-)
Bottler's Blog #1: I'm ready. NOT. It's a big commitment I'm quite frankly not sure anyone is capable of saying they are ready for. But, I am confident in the power of not myself, but in the One who created me, to make me strong enough to withstand the trials and temptations that come with the utter commitment required to get through marriage.
That's right. I said it.
Marriage. Sorry, Mom...
Bottler's Blog #2: I'm utterly, completely, irrevocably, 20%-more-than-I-need-to-be-sure that I love my mom more than I love any other being on the face of this earth, including myself and/or possessions.
Bottler's Blog #3: I'M DONE!!! Passed the finals the first time (something that is evidently not easy...?), and have an average of 89% on all the written...stuff. Not that I'm tootin' my own horn...
Bottler's Blog #4: I've been wondering if I am truly a heartless person, or if I have the emotional capabilities of a piece of metal. My Great Grandma died April 23rd, I didn't shed a single tear. I wanted to, don't worry. I just couldn't. I detached myself from the situation and that was the end. I hear of a young student at a nearby high school that commits suicide, this news also has half of my high school First Responder class in tears. I don't even feel a twinge. Is pain a relative thing, different for every person? Is it like people's bodies going into shock, where every person has the same compensatory mechanisms, but the mechanism which will work the best and save the person the most pain is different in everybody? Something to ponder...
Bottler's Blog #5: People think in relative terms. If someone has ever learned to comprehend something completely new to them without comparing it to something already well known to you, please let me know. The scientists need to study your mind. If you are so lame (like me) that you just sit down and think about how the mind works all day (like me), you will start to go crazy with realizing how BORING people are. Our minds are SO finite it's not even in our scope to understand HALF of what Jesus has done for us!
Bottler's Blog #6: I FINALLY realized why I wasn't entirely excited to go to Heaven. Because I was thinking that Heaven is exactly like earth. Wrong! I'm not entirely happy here, and I see no reason to be. We have somewhere entirely better to be going. Who says that Heaven is the same for everyone, anyway? Obviously there will be some common factors...Jesus, for instance. But, I know for a fact that Heaven for my Mom (oreo's, bread, the "Gluten-Galore Bakery"), and Heaven for me (ambulances, trach tubes, and thousands of students/kids I could mentor everyday), are two very different things! My mom would die if she were surrounded by trach tubes all day.
There's my piece. Take it or leave it.
Ash
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Friday, April 3, 2009
Finally...
I'm writing another post....
Yes, it's true. I've been sick. And finally, I am out of that blasted hospital. It's a love hate relationship.
Here's the story, for all of you this news came as a baseball-bat-to-the-back-of-the-head to.
I felt like poop on Monday. I went to work anyway, I make it a personal goal to never miss work... unless I'm in the hospital.
By 8:30 Monday night I was running a 103 degree fever and was shaking like I was freezing. Couldn't stay still, all the jazz about having a fever. Ben took me home, laid with me for about an hour while I just got sicker, and sicker...finally, he had to go home. He kissed me on the forehead, told me he loved me and to get some rest.
Rest. I tried my hardest. I really did. But notoriously, as I always do, I started bawling my eyes out as soon as I started having stomach pain. And when I say pain, I mean pain. Like, "IflaborisanyworsethanthisIamneverhavingkids" pain.
I don't do well with fevers...they are my nemesis. I told my mom what was going on via text, she said she'd be right down.
Before she even got down the stairs, I was having trouble breathing. Not really, but my body thought I was, because I wouldn't breathe while I was in a bout of shaking. So, as always, I start hyperventilating. And then, as always, I start having carpal-pedal spasms (your hands and feet tense up dramatically due to the offset balance of oxygen and carbon dioxide from hyperventilating).
I think me and my mom both knew it wasn't gonna work, but she gave me a dose of Tylenol, just like the Emergency Room had done last time I went in for this. It was a good call, but not so much. Because I threw it up right away.
I was a bit conscientious about going to the ER because I didn't want my mamma to have to pay for it. But, we went anyway. I kept telling my mom, in between breaths "I'll pay for it, ok?" She eventually told me to shutup. Literally. That's what she said.
So we're in the middle of the 20 minute drive to the ER, and all the sudden it hits me.
I just had a clinical in the ER last night. It's the same shift. They're going to know who I am!
Weird.
So, we're getting all set up in the room, and the doctor comes in. Sure enough, same doctor.
"You know, this isn't part of your clinical experience!" He says.
I wish there was an emoticon for the "evil eye". Because if there was, I'd put it right here.
He basically decides he's going to do blood work, and do a cat scan, make sure it's not appendicitis. Ok, sounds fair.
Results come back, no appendicitis. Instead, it's a virus that mimics appendicitis, Mesenteric Adentitis.
What?
Exactly. It never happens. And neither does my bloodwork.
White blood cells, the cells in your body that fight infection, were at 20.7. Normal is 5-10. Potassium levels were at a critical low. That never happens. Phosphorus levels were at a critical low. That never happens. Ever.
Of course, based on this, doc says there's no way he's sending me home. So I get rolled up to a hospital room. Where I stay for three days.
Three days.
Three days of watching lame TV, needles, morphine, IV's, nurses, vitals, and all sorts of pushing on my belly in the exact place I don't even want to let the blankets touch.
It was great fun.
Well, yesterday I came home, Praise God. And went to class that night.
Ben wasn't very happy with me.
Yes, it's true. I've been sick. And finally, I am out of that blasted hospital. It's a love hate relationship.
Here's the story, for all of you this news came as a baseball-bat-to-the-back-of-the-head to.
I felt like poop on Monday. I went to work anyway, I make it a personal goal to never miss work... unless I'm in the hospital.
By 8:30 Monday night I was running a 103 degree fever and was shaking like I was freezing. Couldn't stay still, all the jazz about having a fever. Ben took me home, laid with me for about an hour while I just got sicker, and sicker...finally, he had to go home. He kissed me on the forehead, told me he loved me and to get some rest.
Rest. I tried my hardest. I really did. But notoriously, as I always do, I started bawling my eyes out as soon as I started having stomach pain. And when I say pain, I mean pain. Like, "IflaborisanyworsethanthisIamneverhavingkids" pain.
I don't do well with fevers...they are my nemesis. I told my mom what was going on via text, she said she'd be right down.
Before she even got down the stairs, I was having trouble breathing. Not really, but my body thought I was, because I wouldn't breathe while I was in a bout of shaking. So, as always, I start hyperventilating. And then, as always, I start having carpal-pedal spasms (your hands and feet tense up dramatically due to the offset balance of oxygen and carbon dioxide from hyperventilating).
I think me and my mom both knew it wasn't gonna work, but she gave me a dose of Tylenol, just like the Emergency Room had done last time I went in for this. It was a good call, but not so much. Because I threw it up right away.
I was a bit conscientious about going to the ER because I didn't want my mamma to have to pay for it. But, we went anyway. I kept telling my mom, in between breaths "I'll pay for it, ok?" She eventually told me to shutup. Literally. That's what she said.
So we're in the middle of the 20 minute drive to the ER, and all the sudden it hits me.
I just had a clinical in the ER last night. It's the same shift. They're going to know who I am!
Weird.
So, we're getting all set up in the room, and the doctor comes in. Sure enough, same doctor.
"You know, this isn't part of your clinical experience!" He says.
I wish there was an emoticon for the "evil eye". Because if there was, I'd put it right here.
He basically decides he's going to do blood work, and do a cat scan, make sure it's not appendicitis. Ok, sounds fair.
Results come back, no appendicitis. Instead, it's a virus that mimics appendicitis, Mesenteric Adentitis.
What?
Exactly. It never happens. And neither does my bloodwork.
White blood cells, the cells in your body that fight infection, were at 20.7. Normal is 5-10. Potassium levels were at a critical low. That never happens. Phosphorus levels were at a critical low. That never happens. Ever.
Of course, based on this, doc says there's no way he's sending me home. So I get rolled up to a hospital room. Where I stay for three days.
Three days.
Three days of watching lame TV, needles, morphine, IV's, nurses, vitals, and all sorts of pushing on my belly in the exact place I don't even want to let the blankets touch.
It was great fun.
Well, yesterday I came home, Praise God. And went to class that night.
Ben wasn't very happy with me.
Monday, March 16, 2009
This Being My Very First Post...
I've decided to tell you a bit about myself. And right about now is when a few people that know me say "Oh great, here goes!"...
Don't worry, I will do my best to keep it concise!
I suppose I will follow a logical sequence and start with my childhood. I grew up in Grand Junction, Colorado, surrounded by the Rocky Mountains. Honestly, I don't remember much about it. The few fond memories I have include extremely hot weather, yet being somehow unaffected by it in my young age, jump roping with my sister, Jessie, long road trips up to a 40 acre parcel of land my grandmother owned as a safe haven in the event of disaster (typical of my grandmother, those of you who know her will chuckle), and throwing a huge pile of leaves on an unexpecting Uncle Larry.
When I was nine my family moved to Fort Wayne, Indiana...in February. Bad plan. As much as I can recall, every single person in the family hated it there from the very start. The humidity does not do wonders for me or my dad, my mom, sister, and brother, Andrew, were nearly constantly sick with strep (until we figured out you couldn't drink the water there), and, well....we had to give up my cat, Maggie before we moved. Enough said. Needless to say, we only lasted 10 months in that heartless, cold, dreary place, and in November of 2000 my family packed up the morning after Election Day (also known as my sister's birthday), and headed back to Colorado.
This time, however, we moved to Longmont. Longmont?? Who has ever heard of Longmont?? Admittedly, I didn't enjoy it at first. It was better than Indiana, but I would have much rather been in Grand Junction. But ever so slowly this town grew on me....and ever so slowly I began to be attached. It was busier than I was used to, compared to Grand Junction, people weren't as nice, but as I got older, I realized that this was where my roots are. And that'd be why I'm still here today.
From the ages of 12 to 17 I experienced some of the hardest things any teenaged girl could experience. But you know what? I wouldn't have it any other way. That's what got me to where I am. God led me down that path for a reason, and I'm fully convinced I was not alone during those times. My path was being lit by the Big Man Upstairs, and I am proud to call Him my Father.
And, as of this very moment, I am a typical 18 year old girl who thinks she is superwoman. ;-) I am currently in EMT school, and that's something I've wanted to do since I was twelve. I work part-time as a Nanny for two wonderful little boys, Ian (2 1/2) and Logan (1), who I love with all of my heart. It will be hard to leave them when I finally graduate EMT training (2 months and counting...), but there is a time for all things. Let it just be said that I'm not planning to leave them in the hands of just anybody. For all those of you wondering whether I truly am a typical 18 year old after the previous information, yes, I do have a boyfriend. :-) His name is Ben, you will hear me speak of him often. He is my crutch on which I lean for emotional support, bless his heart. I could not be more blessed by God than to have a man like him by my side.
A few random facts about me you might find interesting...
1. I am severely addicted to coffee, yet it recently has started making me sick. This habit started when I would work 14+ hour days in the Summer of 2008.
2. I am what some people would call a "black cloud." (I have recently been convinced that there is no such thing, however, the principal still stands. Thanks Richard.) Everywhere I go, it seems there is an accident, a child choking on something, or a 40+ year old man has a heart attack in the makeup aisle in which I am standing...it really happened.
3. I am naturally obsessed with pregnancy/babies. I can be entertained for hours simply by looking at ultrasound images, or reading pregnancy books. I hope as an EMT I can deliver at least a few babies in my career...
4. I have an odd personality...enough said.
5. I am extremely dramatic about things that are not dramatic in nature. However, when a true dramatic event arrises, such as an emergency, my drama swith turns off, as do my emotions. Supposedly this is a good characteristic for EMS work, I am hoping this is true.
That's about enough for today. Whew! I look forward to getting settled in here...more stories to come!
~Ash
P.S.- That wasn't as concise as I thought, but it will do for now. ;-)
Don't worry, I will do my best to keep it concise!
I suppose I will follow a logical sequence and start with my childhood. I grew up in Grand Junction, Colorado, surrounded by the Rocky Mountains. Honestly, I don't remember much about it. The few fond memories I have include extremely hot weather, yet being somehow unaffected by it in my young age, jump roping with my sister, Jessie, long road trips up to a 40 acre parcel of land my grandmother owned as a safe haven in the event of disaster (typical of my grandmother, those of you who know her will chuckle), and throwing a huge pile of leaves on an unexpecting Uncle Larry.
When I was nine my family moved to Fort Wayne, Indiana...in February. Bad plan. As much as I can recall, every single person in the family hated it there from the very start. The humidity does not do wonders for me or my dad, my mom, sister, and brother, Andrew, were nearly constantly sick with strep (until we figured out you couldn't drink the water there), and, well....we had to give up my cat, Maggie before we moved. Enough said. Needless to say, we only lasted 10 months in that heartless, cold, dreary place, and in November of 2000 my family packed up the morning after Election Day (also known as my sister's birthday), and headed back to Colorado.
This time, however, we moved to Longmont. Longmont?? Who has ever heard of Longmont?? Admittedly, I didn't enjoy it at first. It was better than Indiana, but I would have much rather been in Grand Junction. But ever so slowly this town grew on me....and ever so slowly I began to be attached. It was busier than I was used to, compared to Grand Junction, people weren't as nice, but as I got older, I realized that this was where my roots are. And that'd be why I'm still here today.
From the ages of 12 to 17 I experienced some of the hardest things any teenaged girl could experience. But you know what? I wouldn't have it any other way. That's what got me to where I am. God led me down that path for a reason, and I'm fully convinced I was not alone during those times. My path was being lit by the Big Man Upstairs, and I am proud to call Him my Father.
And, as of this very moment, I am a typical 18 year old girl who thinks she is superwoman. ;-) I am currently in EMT school, and that's something I've wanted to do since I was twelve. I work part-time as a Nanny for two wonderful little boys, Ian (2 1/2) and Logan (1), who I love with all of my heart. It will be hard to leave them when I finally graduate EMT training (2 months and counting...), but there is a time for all things. Let it just be said that I'm not planning to leave them in the hands of just anybody. For all those of you wondering whether I truly am a typical 18 year old after the previous information, yes, I do have a boyfriend. :-) His name is Ben, you will hear me speak of him often. He is my crutch on which I lean for emotional support, bless his heart. I could not be more blessed by God than to have a man like him by my side.
A few random facts about me you might find interesting...
1. I am severely addicted to coffee, yet it recently has started making me sick. This habit started when I would work 14+ hour days in the Summer of 2008.
2. I am what some people would call a "black cloud." (I have recently been convinced that there is no such thing, however, the principal still stands. Thanks Richard.) Everywhere I go, it seems there is an accident, a child choking on something, or a 40+ year old man has a heart attack in the makeup aisle in which I am standing...it really happened.
3. I am naturally obsessed with pregnancy/babies. I can be entertained for hours simply by looking at ultrasound images, or reading pregnancy books. I hope as an EMT I can deliver at least a few babies in my career...
4. I have an odd personality...enough said.
5. I am extremely dramatic about things that are not dramatic in nature. However, when a true dramatic event arrises, such as an emergency, my drama swith turns off, as do my emotions. Supposedly this is a good characteristic for EMS work, I am hoping this is true.
That's about enough for today. Whew! I look forward to getting settled in here...more stories to come!
~Ash
P.S.- That wasn't as concise as I thought, but it will do for now. ;-)
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
